Before I DO
PASTOR: Do you take Tinu to be your loved wife for better, for worse. for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?
HUSBAND: No, I don’t.
I know most of us do not pray to experience this, but, how many of us have actually made an effort not to end up like this? Some marriages can scale through the wedding ceremonies because of how much they have spent planning the wedding, but, they don’t end up scaling through the marriage itself. I have seen marriages crash on their wedding nights and I have seen some last a life time. All depends on the conscious effort put into choosing the right one.I do not oppose the fact that people change in marriages and some of the things being talked about were sincerely looked into, but the purpose of this, is to save a marriage before it becomes a disaster.
Last week, we talked about the Physical and Emotional connection amidst the things that should be considered in this aspect before we can decide to take the relationship a step further. Today, we will be looking at other connections between a couple that is important to note before taking that crucial decision.
PSYCHOLOGICAL CONNECTION: This is the connection of the mind. It’s the kind of connection that builds a long lasting friendship in the union. We would all agree that we value our friends most times, because of the moments we share with them and usually, these moments are filled with gist, outings and many other things. If so, isn’t there a problem if we are not able to share these, with our partners? Many times, physical and emotional connection comes in effortlessly, but it takes a high level of sensitivity to determine your psychological connection with a person. You and your partner should be able to talk about vast things, you should share complementing aspirations, dreams, goals, views, philosophy etc In short, you both must be able to connect intellectually. For example, you can’t have passion for something your partner hates. Please note, your partner does not need to have passion for that same thing, but he must be able appreciate and contribute intellectually to that thing; else the partner in question finds solace somewhere else. There, the problem begins.
You cannot afford to be with someone on a parallel world with yours, you cannot afford to spend the rest of your life with somebody you cannot have long, interesting conversations with, you cannot afford to live forever with somebody whose IQ is way too far from yours. There will be a problem and before you know what is going on, poof, the marriage has gone. We need to digest the fact that marriage does not feed on mere emotions, it feeds on sustainability.
SPIRITUAL CONNECTION: Before the discuss, let’s make a clarification. This is not a religious argument, it is an intellectual discuss and spiritual here does not mean a religion, it refers to the connection of the spirit. You and your partner should be able to connect spiritually in terms of belief. You should share similar ideologies of beliefs and myths. This is not the same as psychological connection, but, imagine you believe in the existence of a God and your partner doesn’t, imagine you take certain actions and your partner sees is as barbaric. Although, it is usually overlooked in most relationships, it doesn’t overrule the fact that it poises a major problem in the marriage later on.
Don’t live with the mentality that love just happens because it is only an attraction that can just happen.
Love is a flower that needs to grow with time. It is your duty to water it with your emotional and physical connection before walking down the aisle.
Always remember to ask yourself; When loves fades, what keeps us going?
The love for the promise?
Or the promise for the love?