His eyes locked with mine and he winked. It was as if he already knew I’ve been staring at him all along. Whichever way, I looked away shyly, not sure if to blush or to be embarrased. He was undoubtedly cute, but, he didn’t look single. “A man like this can never be single” I battled with the thought in my head. Yet, I couldn’t wait to have an opportunity to talk to him, in fact, I was planning to create one if it didn’t come. I began to imagine what our first conversation will seem like; maybe awkward, or connecting. Who knows? Then, my brother whom I was there with, came in from wherever he went to, and before I knew what was going on, he had exchanged pleasantries with Mr Cute. “Damn! they are friends” I thought to myself and in split seconds, I was guessing his age already. I was almost sure he will be in his early thirties, while I am in my early twenties. “What the hell” I blurted out, but thanks to the loud music, no one seemed to hear me. This revelation immediately broke my heart, because I could almost guess all was to end in my fantacy. I was never going to date him.
But, each time I tell my friends this story, they ask me what exactly held me back. Is it the fact that he is my brother’s friend? Or because he is way older than I am? It could be the two, but in reality people, Is Age truly a determinant in a relationship? What is the place of age in being in love with a person?
There are so many tales that comes with love, one of which includes “Love is Blind”. If love is truly blind, then is it blind to age, position or physical stature? Well, it is for individuals to answer, but, what do you do in a situation where you find yourself loving someone you never thought you will love? Do u deny yourself of that feeling or admit to it? Come to think of it, if the only reason you don’t want to be with a person is because of the age difference, have you ever asked yourself if age will determine your marital happiness?
The problem many relationships have, sometimes has nothing to do with the age difference, rather, the inability of the couple to connect on the same level. I mean, age can become inconsequential when the connection is inexplicable. It is very possible for a couple to be in the same age bracket, yet, find it difficult to connect with each other in the relationship. Connection here also has a lot to deal with how well the duo can communicate with each other effectively, it is concerned with the ability of these two to interrelate as friends or lovers without being too conscious of their age. So, in most cases, it is more healthy to place more priority on how free you are with your partner, how far you can communicate with him/her and how deep you both connect with each other; rather than placing priotities on age without connection.
Another problem is the older party rubbing the age difference in the face of the younger. Common friends, let’s get something straight; the moment you decide to be in a relationship with a person, you guys are already mates psychologically, in fact, you’ve exchanged your age difference for love. Now don’t get me wrong, it is improper for a partner to disrespect his duo, but respect in a relationship has nothing to do with age, rather, it is the ability of a party to love, adore, cherish and respect both the relationship and his/her duo. So, respect here is a duty of the parties involved in the relationship and not a product of age. “For real, stop the fuss over being the older partner, because, if age was so important, you should have gone for your mate.”
Also, when it comes to the issue of an older party, most of them are always ready for marriage when the younger party is not. Most times, it causes lots of disagreement between the two parties but it very avoidable. I mean, both parties should have reached a certain level of understanding as to short and long term goals, before getting into the relationship. Relationship is too sensitive to be rushed into.
Most importantly, maturity is a key ingredient in any and every relationship and maturity is not a product of age. It is born out of what you have inside of you and what you project outside of you. For any two to decide to start a relationship, they should be mature enough to take in what comes with being in a relationship, including disagreements. And, it becomes very funny when two people who are in love are having a misunderstanding and one party is making reference to the fact that he is the age mate of his elder sibling or vice versa. It’s totally irrelevant.
In all, being in a relationship with an older or younger person is a matter of choice and personal decision. None of these is wrong because at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our decisions. However, in a country such as ours, with our cultural background being put in check, where age is seen as a big factor, there are lots of questions and debate that arise from topics like this. This brings us to our next topic on the relationship segment.
IS IT RIGHT FOR A WOMAN TO DATE A YOUNGER MAN?
Let’s share our thoughts…
Wura will be here again next week to share hers!
#WURA LOVES YOU