My Lover’s Lover
His lips. That was what I kept staring at as he introduced himself to me. All I could think of was having a feel of it, and just as I was about to in my imaginary world, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. “What?” I asked and it was then I realized that was the third time he had asked for my name. The next few hours and days became less awkward as we spoke almost every hour of the day. It wasn’t just his lips this time, every part of him is cute, I totally admitted.
That night, our first official date together after our meeting, I picked my favorite dress and did a light make up. I knew that night was going to make him fall in love with me, if he hadn’t before, because that dress is super gorgeous, bringing out all the curves God has blessed me with and yes, selecting that dress was intentional.
I was flustered when I saw him open the door to his car as he saw me approaching and I could not but ask myself what part of the world my Mr Romantic was from. It is unusual in this country I come from. The remaining part of the date was super fun, from the fantastic Sharwama to the way he massaged my feet in the private lounge he got for us. It was a splendid date that I didn’t want to end. I was falling in love!
The date finally came to an end and I was forced to ask the one question that kept ringing in my head. “How come a good looking nice man like you is single?” Mr Romantic burst into this laughter that almost got me angry. “Who says I am single?” he asked and it was then I knew that he was to get married in a few months.
The few weeks that followed became harder for me because we bonded like never before and it was until the wedding was a few weeks away that the reality of the moment dawned on me. I was hurt, so, I had to seek help and it was then I realized that;
The feelings we feed are those that overwhelm us, which means the easiest way to deal with it is not to allow it get too deep once you realize the person’s relationship status and if for any reason, you have gotten deep before you discover, you should get a hold of your emotions, bearing in mind that if the person respected you in the first place, he or she would have told you from the moment you were getting along.
The best thing to do in situations like that is to create a distance with the person for some time till you can get a hold of your emotions, and if you can deal with it, you can get back to being platonic friends with the person after. As a matter of fact, it is the wrong time to put such a person in the “Best friend” zone except you want to be the official “side chick”. The reason is, you will continue to hurt as long as you are in close contact with the person, because the “lover” in question would be protecting the original relationship, thereby, putting it all out in your face and craving your understanding. I mean imagine the “lover” flaunting his/her partner on social media and you just have to act calm about it.
Truth is, don’t be fooled with the usual memory verse of “:It is complicated” because the questions they never have answers to are; Did it become complicated when you met me? If yes, does that mean I am making your relationship life complicated? If it has been complicated before now, why are you still dating that person? See guys, decision making is a big attribute of maturity that everybody must be able to handle before getting into a relationship and every man or woman should have the power to choose who and what they want per time. Don’t turn yourself into a spare tire for anyone because at the end of the day, one of you will get hurt, and it is most likely you. Let’s make this easier, why don’t you put yourself in the shoes of the party being cheated on and ask yourself how you would have felt if you were in that position. (And to think Karma is a bitch)
Don’t let down your guard, let “lover” make a decision to be with you even if it costs him a whole lot because being with someone is an intentional decision.
On the other side, no man knows who he/she will spend the rest of his/her life with until he/she walks down the aisle and as funny as it may sound, it might be you. If that is the case, don’t be a victim waiting for it; rather, let it come to you while you are happy.
Regardless, don’t lose important people and opportunities by handling situations badly, because although you might not be with that person, he/she might be your link to success. Just don’t ruin relationships because of reckless emotions.
As you make that decision, bear in mind that “it hurts more to break up with that person you never dated”
Pictures by @blacksaltphotography