My Lover’s Best friend
“She’s my best friend, and there is nothing you can do about it”. The exhausting argument went on and I could bet it was a battle I was never going to win. He has made it crystal clear that he can’t trade his best friend for anything or anyone; not even for me, or our relationship of three years. As I picked up my bag to walk out of his house, I knew I was walking out of his life.
The question many people asked me when they knew about the breakup was if it is wrong for my man to have a best friend of the opposite sex. Oh well, this is my opinion:
In an ideal situation, your partner is supposed to be your best friend, because it is almost impossible to have to deal with two people on the same level of importance, because, one of them will definitely suffer for it. Now, if we are to move from the ideal, into the reality of some, we would understand the fact that certain friends are difficult to let go, especially if they’ve been around you for a very long time. Also, because many share the wrong but true ideology that even if the girl or boy they are in a relationship with, leaves, that friend will most likely be around to have their back again. We’d get back to that.
If at all you must have a best friend, especially that of the opposite sex, you must make sure that under no circumstance should you make your partner feel less of your best friend. You will begin to generate trouble when your partner has a rivalry attitude towards your best friend, because if care is not taken, you will lose either one of them or both. As a matter of fact, if your best friend has your best interest at heart, he/she would help you protect your relationship by all means and even understand when he/she needs to lay low.
Another thing is; you must constantly make your partner understand that she is a priority. This involves showing him/her every time and also establishing that fact with your friend(s), because you don’t expect them to respect the partner you lack respect for. Let them constantly know that you wouldn’t trade your partner for anything. That way, they’d treat her with that level of regard. I mean, how can you have more time for your best friend than your partner? Or how can you even say or feel you can make more sacrifices for your best friend than your partner? Now, if at all you feel you can’t trade your best friend for anything, it is not in your place to throw that fact in the face of your partner.
One weird part of having a best friend of the opposite sex which I am yet to understand is how it is possible or even convenient to maintain such relationships without any emotional attachment. In my head, I’m like; do some people have emotional walls? You talk to someone everyday nabout almost everything, every feeling, every movement etc and you both are such pros that you either consciously or unconsciously not have an iota or emotional or sexual connection. For those in this category, I STAN! On a flip side, if you do all of those with your best friend, what do you actually do with your partner. Like, what other conversations do you have with him/her? In my thoughts, the only thing that is possible is that two people who call themselves best friends have actually recognized and or explored their emotional connections and have come to a mutual understanding that they are better off as friends. Now, if that is the case, it is not a safe bet to still maintain a deep level of connection with such a person when you are in a relationship; else, you might end up disrespecting your partner.
This is not to encourage over zealousness, but before you would conclude your partner is just being unnecessarily jealous, ask yourself if you’d have reacted better if you were in such shoes. Never forget that being in a relationship is a conscious effort, which means you must be sensitive to the feelings of your partner in everything you do.
Importantly, understand that it takes WISDOM to maintain a relationship of any sort.
Let’s try something guys, if there is any topic you’d like Wura to talk about, you can drop it here.