Tales of an imperfectly perfect girl
No one was getting me, no one was seeing through this “perfect girl”. I wanted more! I wanted to live more and be heard. I was not bothered about having friends like my sisters, No! I learnt at a tender age, that if our dreams can’t align or we can’t make a positive pact in each other’s life, then we have no business relating. So it was not about them. It was me. I wanted to relate with my family, to be close to my mother, to tell her anything and everything. But I couldn’t, I grew up in fear of her, seeing the way she judges my sisters quickly and beat them excessive;y when they go wrong, I withdrew to myself. Though I grew up pampered by everyone, I grew up to as much love that could exist amongst siblings. We loved each other, we just don’t talk. No one knows anything personal about the other. And I grew up wanting more, I attended a different but better primary school, made me feel away from everyone. I just wanted more of this love, I wanted a connection deeper than a tunnel, a kind of darkness that finds it’s light in the bond created by my family.
Though I always did a good job of hiding it well, I’m your typical life of a party despite whatever I’m going through, I do a good job of hiding my pains or worries. Hence everyone’s assumption is that I am fine. My sisters believe I have the perfect life with zero worries. I was my parents’ favorite and they made I had better education and attention. I hear them pick on it whenever I decide to exhibit the brat side of me. I wanted to tell them it’s not all I want, that I needed them to love me, understand me and see beyond their little sister’s soul. That we needed a love deeper than “she’s my sister” , that I needed us to feel zero reluctance when we have to relate. But I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, I was just a 9 year old trying to be for me and praying the family gets what it needs.
Little did I know my sisters felt what I felt, little did I know we shared the same pain, I was never aware we all craved the same kind of love and bond I craved. Every one of us just wanted to be comfortable around mom, to be able to talk to her like a friend. We all craved her to be more than a disciplinarian, we all wanted to be able to bare our hearts without being judged or scolded for being disobedient.
Then the unbelievable happened. Our Eldest sister got pregnant immediately after high school, she was just 19. As expected, everyone was disappointed but no one would hear of abortion. That baby had to come alive…
But what was to wait for her? What did the future hold for her? No one knew, not even her!
To be continued…